Post-Breakup “Mature Friends with Benefits”
I think despite your “no strings” attitude about it all, he probably sees it as just getting sucked back into the old relationship with you. And/or “benefiting” you might cramp his style when it came to dating other women. Or be off-putting to him when you were dating other men. In any case, these mature relationships always end, quite often with somebody getting a bit hurt. I’d venture he’s not going for your bait simply to avoid another breakup with you in the future. Really, can you blame him?
You’re much better off directing your energy towards casually dating others with whom you don’t have such emotional history.
I agree with Selena. And I also think there are some cases out there where the guy is looking for a real relationship, not just a mature dating. Maybe your guy is having real maturity pains, and wants to put his time into someone he can have a nice relationship with sex, emotional intimacy, the whole shebang. He’s done that and broke up and wants to move on.
Yes, I do agree that the whole mature dating is not necessarily a thing everyone would want (or every man). There are a lot of people who plainly don’t want that, or they may want it (because, say, they think it would a good arrangement given their current circumstances) but still fear that they wouldn’t be able to handle it, just for the reasons Jeff gives. And I do mean A LOT OF PEOPLE, both men and women.
Also, the fact that you do have a story of emotional involvement, could make it a lot harder/risky/dangerous/scary for him.
You might want to have a conversation about this with him, but don’t be surprised if he has some sort of strong objection. In that case, just try to find good sex somewhere else?
Honesty is what I recommend. For he has got a right, in my view, to know exactly what you are after and whether he wants THAT.
Oh…Yes M’ams & Sir, let’s think about the deal from Mr. Guy’s perspective! Sure, men & women are different (ThankU, Lord, 4that!) but maybe we should reverse dilemmas of gender. Certainly, JM’s 70’s sonnet is the perfect opener. If that doesn’t pull his *teeth* on HIS issue, give him a HappyHug.
Yet, there’s wondering…. [1] whether “AWESOME SEX” sprang forth in the relationship which Ms. Sara ‘thinks’ was “fully appreciated” by both partying parties. [2] If NOT, hey, why not! The answer there could help get2His answer 4Her answer. [3] Was post-breakup sex ALSO awesome for him; hey, maybe it wasn’t.
Ms. Sara–maybe the coupling was grander than anybefore because of ‘excitation’ such as feeling unihibited because (presumably) neither of you *care* for the other (Methinks, Not So!) versus unihibited because you care OR inhibited because feeling obliged to pretend you do. After your Talk, Rainbows!
I do believe a mature relationship works better where there is not a history. As for your ex-boyfriend’s trepidation, it could just be that he is more sensitive/afraid than he lets on. I bet your just too much of a real woman for him!
Hey, ever considered that maybe he met someone he actually is crazy about and he doesn’t want her to learn about you?
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